Cardboard Masterpieces

It’s a process, a slow one that takes time and than a bit more time. I’m in the motions of decorating my room. This whole concept started on the day after Thanksgiving when I heard that Joann’s Fabrics and Crafts was having a sale. My goal was to walk in with a few bucks and walk out with paints, brushes and canvases. Well I did walk in with a few bucks but I only walked out with paints and brushes. Who knew that canvases are so dang expensive? It was only a small setback, because there was a ton of cardboard sitting around the garage. I went straight to work.

The first product is the closet friendly Hip hip. He’s a forward looking man who enjoys a good pipe smoke. He’s well versed in deep thought and even more schooled in the latest fashion. His current habitat is the deep end of my closet. Every day he welcomes me with that strange bearded face of his. I’ve started to question his habits as he is always smoking. That cannot be good for his lungs, plus it always makes my shirts smell smoky. Although he is quiet, I have become fond of my new friend.



The next painting is from times of old, back when monsters enjoyed racing pirate ships. Many debates have occurred due to this piece of art. Art historians are divided on whether the painting depicts the monster as friend or foe. Those who view the monster as an enemy point out the very sharp spikes on its body.



The counterargument for the friendly monster concentrates on the facial expression of the beast. How could the monster be evil with a face like that?This argument will most likely continue until the end of time. If anything, this painting reminds me that sometimes you must understand and accept that others will have differing opinions from you.

Ramblings

I discovered that i do in fact own a type of video camera. I also discovered that I have too much time on my hands.

The Street.

It's strange how we live in neighborhoods full of people. We work, sleep, eat and live in these communities of people that we hardly know. We live so close, yet are as distant as any other stranger in the world.

Thanks

A friend sent me an e-mail of a proclamation made by George Washington about what Thanksgiving really means. It's interesting to see a leader that recognizes what God has done for our country.

Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor, and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me "to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness.

Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be. That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks, for his kind care and protection of the People of this Country previous to their becoming a Nation, for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of his providence, which we experienced in the course and conclusion of the late war, for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed, for the peaceable and rational manner, in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted, for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed; and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which he hath been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech him to pardon our national and other transgressions, to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually, to render our national government a blessing to all the people, by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed, to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shown kindness unto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord. To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the encrease of science among them and Us, and generally to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789.

Lunar moon, luna bar.

I was on a road trip with some friends. The car was packed with all kinds of snacks so I grabbed a bar to eat. I gulped the treat down before looking at the wrapper.

Big, big mistake.

This wasn’t any type of nutrition bar; it was a Luna bar or to quote straight from the wrapper 'The whole nutrition bar for women.' It was at that moment as I read about the benefits the bar had for women that I knew terrible bodily reactions were coming in my direction. I wasn’t sure if the bar was going to tip my testosterone levels into estrogen land, but I had to know what that feminine bar was going to do to my body. I quickly called the customer service hotline and got to a message machine. I left my information (age, height, weight) and clearly stated that I was concerned for my safety being a male that had just consumed woman food.

It took a few days, but the company got back to me. I was in class so they left a message for me. Here it is….


Hi this is Emily, I’m returning your phone call from Luna bar regarding the smores bar. You mentioned that you had a bite and that you are a man and were wandering if anything was going to happen. Rest assured you will be fine. The only reason that we market these bars for women is because fortify them with vitamins and minerals that women need on a daily basis such as folic acid, iron and calcium.But these are things men need anyway, it’s just harder for women to find them in a regular diet so we just make a bar and put it in for them. I hope that answers your question. Go ahead and give me a call back if you have any further comments, questions or concerns. Thanks for calling.

Thanks to the great customer service of Emily from Luna Bar I am safe. If I could give a tip to Luna I'd advise the company not to market them as women bars because how are men to know that they are not poisonous. Some would say a nickel for your thoughts, but that one is on the house. Take it to heart Luna Bar.

Pepperjacks.

If furniture could talk, I’d teach my dinette set how to sing. That way I could pretend that I’m in a Disney movie or that I’m a singing dinner table.

I used to only eat Chinese food for breakfast, but than I discovered that rice krispies aren’t Chinese.

On Saturdays I like to use the phrase ‘cinnamon stick’. It makes me feel like I’m in a spice factory.

When I finish changing the oil in my car I pour the old stuff in the bushes, because no one wants old oil.

One time I found a dead hummingbird in my box of cracker jacks, I wasn’t sure if it was the toy surprise so I held onto it. I threw up all the caramel coated popcorn later that night. I’m still not sure if that hummingbird was the surprise or not.

The Earth is Flat.

There's this kid named Donovan. He's in second grade and has corn rows. His front two teeth are missing, but his gums brace the gap until the reinforcements arrive. His human trick is that he can flip his eyelids, making the girls scream and the guys envious. Although a bit rambunctious he's a good kid, I like him.

He needed some help with homework so I overlooked the handout he was working on. For this worksheet you had to read a paragraph and than answer the questions pertaining to what you just read. The story was about fool’s gold and the question he needed help with was ‘Who would you talk to if you wanted to know about real gold?” To help him out I thought I would rephrase the question, so I asked ‘Who would you go to in a mall to talk about gold or expensive jewelry?” His answer was quick and sure sounding.


Christopher Columbus.


Well done Donovan, I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

I drink sugar water.

Some days I wake and have this almost unnatural amount of joy that swells up in my soul. Usually when this happens I have somewhere that I need to be. So it’s guaranteed that I’m going to be stuck in my car driving while tiny, cotton candy fireworks are going off in my stomach.

It gets out of hand quickly as I start talking to myself and waving at those who pass by. Last time this happened I managed to drive a good ten minutes while singing some Killers with my best pirate accent which, if you heard it, is only me singing louder and shouting that I’m a pirate every few seconds. Once I start settling down I start praising God for the joy that he has filled me with and than I’ll go on with my day.

I think of these moments as pivotal epiphany moments because shortly after the experience I’ll evaluate what’s going on with my life. Are my priorities right? Am I living a life that brings glory to God? Are my days meaningful?

I’d like to say that I can pass any test that I give myself, but if I am honest than it’s not always the case. I handle multiplication exams with ease and my occasional forced hearing/eye tests are still in the clear. But when it comes to checking out how things are really going for me, that’s when I can get in trouble.

I’m glad for this though. Some people have their lives rocked by a death or job loss and than start asking the tough questions. So far, God only has to make me happy for a couple hours and I start to reshift my life how it should be. It’s like a weird sort of positive reinforcement reverse psychology. Thank you child development and thank you God.

I don't like

The Insert key.

Let's be serious, no one knows for sure what it's real purpose is. The only thing we can be certain about when it comes to the insert key is that it is equivalent to a hungry alligator and the devil. Nothing is more frustrating than realizing that you just typed over a fully completed sentence because you accidentally clicked the insert key.

For those of you who might not have spent much time on the computer typing let me help you understand the insert key. It sits amongst six other keys. I like to think of them as brothers with the insert key as the deceitful, evil brother. Now the sole purpose of the insert key is destruction so once it has been activated it will destroy anything in it's path. Let's pretend that I just typed the sentence "Grandpa ate fourteen pats of butter" and that I wanted to add to the sentence. I would drag my mouse and click where I'd like to add a few words. The second I start to type the insert key would start it's mischief.

"Grandpa ate fourteenhundrend butter"

That makes no sense, what happened to the 'pats of'? Oh I see, the greedy insert key ate them!

and that's why I hate you insert key.